Why do I make bad decisions? It’s the question we ask after another relationship ends badly, after another project goes unfinished, after another commitment becomes a burden.
The answer isn’t that you lack willpower. It’s that you’re making choices with split energy.
What Split Energy Actually Looks Like
You say yes to something before it’s a “hell yes” for you. You commit to the job, the relationship, the coaching program, the workout routine. And you get 80% of the way there before running out of gas.
Then you beat yourself up for being a procrastinator.
But here’s what’s actually happening: You didn’t have enough energy in the tank from the start. You said yes when you should have waited.
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. This isn’t about being picky. It’s about being honest with yourself about whether you’ve actually gathered the energy to complete something before you start it.
Why Maybes Destroy Your Follow-Through
When you say “I guess I will” instead of “hell yes,” you’re still sending energy in other directions. Part of you is still exploring options. Part of you is still looking for something better.
This is where buyer’s remorse comes from. You committed before you were ready, and now all that exploratory energy is still pinging you with doubt.
A maybe isn’t a decision. It’s a delay with commitment attached to it.
The Pattern Behind Every Unfinished Project
Think about the last thing you procrastinated on. I’d bet you said yes to it before you really wanted to do it. Maybe you felt pressure. Maybe you wanted to solve a problem quickly. Maybe you were avoiding the discomfort of saying no.
And now here you are, stuck at 80% completion with no energy left to push through.
The problem isn’t discipline. The problem is you made a commitment your body wasn’t ready to honor.
Getting to Hell Yes Before You Commit
Before saying yes to anything significant, ask yourself: Can I see the full path? Not every detail, but do I have the energy to see this through?
If the answer is no, don’t force it. Instead, get curious. What would need to shift for this to become a full yes? What am I avoiding feeling?
Sometimes the discomfort you’re avoiding has nothing to do with the decision in front of you. It’s old fear. It’s worry about what people will think. It’s baggage from similar choices that didn’t work out.
Feel through that first. Then decide.
The Freedom in Waiting
When I stopped forcing decisions, something unexpected happened. The right choices started finding me.
I didn’t want to go to the gym. But I did want to try those rowing boats I’d seen at the river. So I ran to the river, rowed for an hour, and ran back. Two-hour workout that felt like play.
If I’d forced myself to slog through a gym routine I hated, I would have quit after a month. Instead, I found something that was a full yes, and I showed up every day.
This is what becomes possible when you stop making decisions from split energy.
What to Do With This
Next time you’re about to commit to something and you notice hesitation, don’t push through it. That hesitation is data.
Instead, get still. Feel whatever discomfort is there. Ask yourself: What would make this a full yes? And if nothing would make it a yes right now, let it be a no.
A no now isn’t a no forever. But a premature yes becomes a guaranteed struggle.
This is shadow work in action.
If you’re ready to process what’s been running your life, explore the Shadow Work practices.
The Pattern Underneath
You don’t make bad decisions because you’re broken. You make them because you haven’t learned to wait for alignment.
When you stop saying yes to things that aren’t ready to be yeses, something shifts. You trust yourself more. Your follow-through improves. And the choices that do get your full commitment actually work out.
Not because you became more disciplined. Because you finally stopped setting yourself up to fail.