People have a tendency to suspect in others the very thing they’ve been guilty of the most. And that’s not coincidence. It’s projection.
The Telltale Sign of Projection
It’s an interesting tell when I’m deciding to work with someone. I just listen to how much they blame their current situation and problems on other people.
The more blame, the less ownership. And accepting responsibility for your actions is where the power lives. It’s not comfortable. But it’s where things actually change.
I’ve noticed this pattern consistently over years of coaching and consulting. The people who transform fastest are the ones who stop pointing fingers first. They look at their own contribution to every problem, even when it’s uncomfortable to see.
The ones who stay stuck? They always have a villain. Always have someone else to blame.
The Question That Changes Everything
One of the toughest questions my coach asks me when I’m ranting and raving and projecting and blaming someone else for some circumstance in my life is this:
“Have you ever done something like that before, or behaved in a similar way?”
Then my answer is always a degree of…
[to myself] God dammit…
Then…
“Ah, yes, I have…”
That moment of recognition is always humbling. And always necessary. It breaks something open inside that needs breaking.
What Comes After the Admission
Coach: Tell me about that…
Me: [further venting plus realizations about taking responsibility for everything in my life]
Then forgiving self. Asking for forgiveness from those involved. Seeking out forgiveness from something greater than myself.
This process never gets easier. It just gets more familiar. The resistance softens over time, but the vulnerability remains. That’s okay. Vulnerability is where the real work happens.
You can’t skip this step. There’s no shortcut to genuine accountability.
What Forgiveness Actually Means
Forgiveness means clearing the energetic structures of the misalignment. Breaking free the flow of energy, communication, karma, relationship.
No longer having to build and maintain “protections” from the past creeping into the present and future.
Finally: Doing better next time. Not making the same mistakes. Awareness. Presence.
Forgiveness isn’t about letting anyone off the hook. It’s about releasing yourself from the prison of resentment. When you accept responsibility for your actions, you stop needing other people to change for you to be free.
That’s the real liberation. Not being dependent on anyone else’s behavior for your inner peace.
Reality Reflects What’s Inside
Reality equals mirror. And accepting responsibility for your actions is how you start to see it clearly.
When you’re blaming others, you’re looking at a reflection of yourself that you haven’t owned yet. When you take responsibility, the mirror clears. You can actually see what’s there.
This isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about reclaiming your power from every situation where you gave it away by making someone else the villain.
Every time you blame someone else, you’re saying they have control over your experience. Every time you accept responsibility, you’re taking that control back. It’s not about fault. It’s about power.
The question isn’t whether you contributed to the problem. You did. The question is whether you’re willing to see it.
This is shadow work in action.
If you’re ready to process what’s been running your life, explore the Shadow Work practices.
Godspeed.