Something I’ve noticed in my life is that right before I land plump, thick, splat in the middle of clear epiphany and new life confirmation, I almost always have a period of intense frustration, anger, and upset.
The breakthrough never comes clean. It comes covered in dirt.
What Comes to the Surface
It’s as though everything that’s still resonating at the current level of experience that I’m at comes bubbling to the surface of my skin in nasty boils and pokes its stupid head. Not just to be a bitch, but to show me what still needs to be cleared in my perception before I can step into the next level of awareness and ease.
This is emotional breakthrough meaning in its rawest form: the old must surface before the new can arrive.
The stuff coming up isn’t random. It’s precisely what’s been holding you at your current level. The beliefs. The wounds. The patterns you’ve been running on autopilot.
The Difficulty of Surrender
It can be difficult to relax into that kind of anger and upset and let it guide you to the cleansing that awaits. Sweeping floors isn’t fun.
But mastery is the ability to find solace in the mundane, grace amidst upset, and vision when it feels as though all walls have closed in on you.
The instinct is to push away discomfort. To distract. To numb. Anything but feel the full weight of what’s rising.
But that’s exactly what keeps you stuck. The only way out is through.
Follow the Anger
That frustration of knowing there’s more but only seeing a dead end is what calls forth the energy which opens up the next paradigm. Follow that anger, that heartache, that seething sensation of revenge, follow it down the rabbit hole.
Let each level heat the air as you listen in the shifting climate for hope, contentment, expectation, and finally the gracious receiving of joy which comes as song.
The anger isn’t pointing you away from something. It’s pointing you toward something. Toward the very thing that needs your attention.
The Anger Serves You
The anger isn’t you, but it’s serving you. This is the message to myself a thousand times over when the matrix starts to crack.
When my veins burn with battery acid, I know the next level is near and I put feet to the ground.
Anger is concentrated energy. It’s life force that’s been compressed. When you let it move instead of storing it, it transforms into fuel for the breakthrough.
The Pattern Recognition
Once you’ve been through a few of these cycles, you start recognizing the pattern. The darkness before dawn isn’t just a phrase. It’s a mechanism.
Everything that can’t come with you to the next level has to make itself known. It has to surface so you can see it, feel it, and release it.
This is why spiritual growth often feels like falling apart. Because in a way, it is. The old version is falling apart to make room for what’s next.
Break on Through
Let the rain wash away my sins. Make my heart kick on the afterburners as I take in new life with every breath.
When that anger comes I yell right at God, my instigator and coach, my mirror, my guide, and then I just start running, full of intention, until I break on through to the other side.
And you better believe I get there every time.
The breakthrough isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something you participate in. You feel it fully. You stay present to it. And you keep moving.
This is shadow work in action.
If you’re ready to process what’s been running your life, explore the Shadow Work practices.