It’s incredibly uncomfortable to feel confused about things you used to be certain about.
And it’s so hard to change my mind about subjects I’m passionate about.
The Addiction to Winning Arguments
That passion isn’t always a good thing either. Often it’s the defense mechanism I use to justify my unkind behavior and not have to see the same in others who represent my views.
I’m addicted to being right and so frequently I take on an argument, not because it feels morally and spiritually aligned, but because I know it’s the argument that will win.
I like to win. But that’s limited thinking. Changing your mind requires letting go of winning.
Why Playing to Win Backfires
Playing to win is paradoxically a losing strategy.
More and more, I’m allowing myself to take in all vantage points of a subject. It’s confronting. It requires that I’m willing to accept that I’ve been wrong about many things, and that I may have been right about a few things that I wish I wasn’t right about.
The ego loves certainty. It feels safe to know. To have answers. To be the person in the room who understands what’s really going on. But that safety is a cage.
Sitting with Not Knowing
But more importantly, changing your mind requires me to say: I don’t know. There’s too much conflicting information for me to ever really know.
And then I have to let that go too, because maybe I could know if I wasn’t pigeonholing myself inside my own confusion.
So I sit with all of that. I define the condition, list past instances, pray for what needs to surface, sit with those feelings until they burn out, then focus on the wanted condition and let those feelings express.
The Cost of Rigid Beliefs
I’ve watched relationships end because neither person could change their mind. I’ve seen families torn apart by positions that became identities. I’ve felt the loneliness of being so committed to being right that I couldn’t receive anyone else’s truth.
Changing your mind isn’t weakness. It’s the highest form of intelligence. It means you value truth more than you value being right. It means you’re willing to be transformed by new information rather than defended against it.
The Strange Knowing That Arrives
When I’m finished, a kind of clarity comes online. Not an intellectual clarity but a spiritual one that points to a strange knowing: yes, no, it’s all happening and isn’t.
And oddly, that’s comforting.
There’s freedom in uncertainty. Not the anxious uncertainty of not knowing what to do, but the peaceful uncertainty of realizing that knowing everything isn’t the point. Being present is. Being open is. Being willing to be wrong is.
An Invitation
What belief are you holding onto that might be ready to evolve? What certainty is keeping you stuck? What would become possible if you let yourself not know for a while?
These questions aren’t comfortable. But comfort isn’t the goal. Growth is. And growth requires the willingness to change your mind.
This is shadow work in action.
If you’re ready to process what’s been running your life, explore the Shadow Work practices.