Posts tagged as:

memoir

What goes with pie? Milk! Milk! Reliving my glory days on the pageant circuit

January 22, 2009

This was the moment I had waited for, the moment I had been training for all my life. I stood behind the stage curtains, venting butterflies from beneath my cardboard costume. The theme portion of the competition had already started and the two escorts holding champagne glasses, three-quarters full with milk, meant it was my time to shine. I stepped out on stage to a capacity auditorium and delivered my lines the only way I knew how.

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Summit Education Center (DISD)

December 31, 2008

Summit Education Center: Mission Statement: It is the desire of The Summit Education Center to not forget the uniqueness of each individual. We believe that Jon Ray is king and want to assist each individual assigned to The Summit in understanding how they may best perform within the boundaries of the educational setting.

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On Opening Christmas Presents

December 25, 2008

There are some people who take a considerable amount of care while opening their presents on Christmas morning. First, they must examine all of their packages, making mental notes on the presentation of each. These package care takers judge presents like books; the cover determines whether each gets a read. They are the “bad beneficiary.”

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To love is to poop

December 20, 2008

Think about the people you have pooped or peed in front of at some point in time. I bet you they are some of your closest friends and loved ones. To love is to poop.

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On 31 days without booze

December 16, 2008

I’m wearing narrow leg, European jeans, a designer button down with tie, Jack Parcell Converse and sitting at a downtown patio pub, the name of which I can’t recall. I’m here because the sign out front claims, “Happy Hour! $2 You Call Its!” This will make my colleagues happy. The sun is setting and the temperature is falling just as quickly. I order my fifth coffee and tense my body to shield a cool breeze as the rest of my party arrives. It’s six o’clock and by the sound of things, they’ve already had several drinks. Elevated voices. Increased physical contact. Giddy laughter. Confidence.

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