Posts tagged as:

booze

Booze. Caffeine. These vices don’t run.

January 23, 2009

I made it five days without caffeine and then jumped off the wagon with a Raiders of the Lost Ark style leap. Coffee makes me productive. It fuels my creativity. It is my friend because not only does it taste good, but it propels me towards the goals I am trying to achieve. For those five days that I was without caffeine, I did nothing but lay in bed, lay on the couch, lay on the carpet, lay on the bathroom floor.

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Would you, please, stop talking already!?

January 22, 2009

How is it that some people can be SO annoying? Do they know they are annoying and simply ignore all the telltale signs that point to their bothersome existence. Or, are these people oblivious to the fact that everyone in the room is secretly wishing they would leave?

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What goes with pie? Milk! Milk! Reliving my glory days on the pageant circuit

January 22, 2009

This was the moment I had waited for, the moment I had been training for all my life. I stood behind the stage curtains, venting butterflies from beneath my cardboard costume. The theme portion of the competition had already started and the two escorts holding champagne glasses, three-quarters full with milk, meant it was my time to shine. I stepped out on stage to a capacity auditorium and delivered my lines the only way I knew how.

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On Dropping Things in the Toilet

January 18, 2009

I’m going to chalk this up to my slow drift into caffeine/booze-free insanity, but today while using the facilities (i.e. taking a piss), I was distracted by a Billy Mays infomercial that I’d been trying to catch the end of and for some reason stopped mid-stream to hurry into the living room and watch it.

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On 60 Days Sober & Quitting Caffeine

January 14, 2009

Today, I started a seven day master cleanse, often referred to as the “Hollywood Diet.” Some people believe Hollywood to be a glamorous place (I am not one of those people), but I assure you that there is nothing glamorous about the master cleanse. No food, sodas or anything of substance. You might be able to have a raw vegetable or two from time to time, but you are certainly not allowed even near a coffee pot. I’m on day one of no caffeine. I’m shaking. I have a headache. My knees are sore and on the verge of buckling. Booze was easy. Caffeine is the real vice. I need you caffeine. I want you.

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