I’m a booze and caffeine guy. Meaning, I like to drink a lot of booze and then I drink a lot of caffeine so that I can continue to drink more booze. It’s a vicious cycle, but often times, proves to be entertaining.
The people from the internet came and gave me a book deal a few months ago. They wanted me to write about being a lush and then having it taken away. So, I stopped drinking for the first time in ten years for 90-days to see what the world looked like through a sober eye.
Looking at things through a sober eye can seem foreign at first. “Why am I seeing all these colors? Who are these people living with me? Have I been living out of my Geo Metro?”
Eventually, though, I didn’t need the booze so much anymore and I learned to do other things with my time, like making random observations, whittling scale models of myself out of pine wood and discussing fiscal policy with the homeless.
“If booze was this easy to quit, caffeine should be no problem!” This was a premature declaration.
Do you like caffeine? Drink a lot of it? Do not quit. NEVER QUIT! The headaches. The kneeaches. The backaches. The dongaches. It all aches.
I made it five days without caffeine and then jumped off the wagon with a Raiders of the Lost Ark style leap. Coffee makes me productive. It fuels my creativity. It is my friend because not only does it taste good, but it propels me towards the goals I am trying to achieve. For those five days that I was without caffeine, I did nothing but lay in bed, lay on the couch, lay on the carpet, lay on the bathroom floor.
Without caffeine, our economy would cease to exist. Our country wants this vice. Our country needs this vice. And I will defend with my life, our right to enable it.
