What goes with pie? Milk! Milk! Reliving my glory days on the pageant circuit

This was the moment I had waited for, the moment I had been training for all my life. I stood behind the stage curtains, venting butterflies from beneath my cardboard costume. The theme portion of the competition had already started and the two escorts holding champagne glasses, three-quarters full with milk, meant it was my time to shine. I stepped out on stage to a capacity auditorium and delivered my lines the only way I knew how:

What goes with pie!? Milk! Milk!
What goes with cake!? Milk! Milk!
What goes with eggs!? Milk! Milk!
To everyone in the audience…
When you get over your “beverage problem”
Give me a call!

And with that I threw the microphone to the ground and turned left, revealing the year 2002, prominently displayed on my backside. Cheers erupted from the room. People were on their feet, chanting my name. This is what fame feels like, this is what love feels like, this is…is this what it feels like to peak? uh, oh…

Seven years ago, I won the coveted title of Mr. Duncanville. While doing research for the quasi-memoir I’m writing about my relationship with booze, I found this newspaper clipping and had to post it, as I’ve been claiming this handmade milk carton incident in my ‘About‘ section for the last couple of years. So, here’s the proof, nay-sayers.

Yes. I used to be cool.

What happened?

*nice hair cut…

Tagged as: actor, advertising, backside, booze, brichelle white, butterflies, cardboard, champagne glasses, cheers, doing research, duncanville high school, eggs, formal wear, glory days, hair cut, handmade, jon ray, male pageant, memoir, microphone, milk, milk carton, milk commercial, mr. duncanville, newspaper clipping, publicity, sayers, seven years, skit, stage curtains, theme wear, three quarters, viral, year 2002