So, I’ve been getting pats on the back all day long because I’ve been sober for 60 days, blah, blah, blah. Obviously, I’m recounting this so that you’ll commend me on the achievement as well. If you want to know the truth, though, quitting booze wasn’t really that hard. I just said I was going to do it (quit, that is) and now 60 days later, here I am. But, let’s talk about quitting caffeine for a moment. Since I dropped alcohol as a vice, I’ve picked up caffeine and run with it. I heart caffeine. It completes me. It makes my good ideas jump from my head onto the page. I am consuming more than fifteen cups a day and a couple (see. 3+) energy drinks a day. My heart is going to literally break if I stay on this path.
Today, I started a seven day master cleanse, often referred to as the “Hollywood Diet.” Some people believe Hollywood to be a glamorous place (I am not one of those people), but I assure you that there is nothing glamorous about the master cleanse. No food, sodas or anything of substance. A raw vegetable or two from time to time is allowed (I think), but you are certainly not allowed anywhere near a coffee pot. I’m on Day 1 of no caffeine. I’m shaking. I have a headache. My knees are sore and on the verge of buckling. Booze was easy. Caffeine is the real vice. I need you caffeine. I want you.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a laxative tea to steep.
