Should you be considering dating me, here’s what you can expect:
I’m a big fan of opening doors for people. If having a door held open for you makes you uncomfortable, we might have a problem, because I open doors. First dates for me are like job interviews, although, they are much more likely to end in a good night kiss. That being said, I will still expect you to provide a resume and references. I prefer to do something out of the ordinary on a first date, because then, even if we don’t hit it off romantically, you’ll always have that story about the time you shot putted blitzed on Jager. I’m a huge romantic and I love falling in love, so I will probably flower you with handmade knick-knacks and mixed tapes that will approach a stalker-esque level. I assure you, I only do these things because I don’t know what to do with my hands when I dance (but, I do like to dance). I’m a gentleman and I will do everything in my power to treat you like a lady, but do not sleep with me on the first date, no matter how charming you find me, as I am genetically wired to never consider a long-term relationship with you if this happens. It’s not my fault, it’s just my style, I guess. I’m known to make people laugh so hard that beverages squirt out of their noses, so those of you with a sensitive sinus cavity need not apply. If you’re the right person, I will love you, whole-heartedly, for eternity. If you’re not the right one, we can still have a tremendous amount of fun and do it from time to time, but no ring. Love me.
