On buying Ice Cream

by Jon Ray on November 20, 2008

Now that I’m sober and no longer consuming 1,000+ calories of alcohol every night, I find it completely appropriate to eat a pint of ice cream after dinner. What’s worse, though, is that when I go to the gas station to purchase said ice cream, I always make a point to say it’s for my girlfriend (who does not exist) because I am ashamed to buy ice cream for myself.

This is part of a series of facts designed to help me figure out who I really am. Got some insight? Leave a comment.

Tagged as: ashamed, discover yourself, fake girlfriend, humor, ice cream, something, twenty, twenty-something, Who is Jon Ray?

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Article by Jon Ray

Jon has written 221 heartfelt articles.

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Bob

I used to drink 6 oz of Vodka an evening. i no longer drink but I am eating a quart of Vanilla Ice Cram every evening instead. I never use to like sweets until I stopped drinking. What's up with that?

Jon Ray

@gnat - Yeah, but is he your "ex" boyfriend because of his obsessive ice cream habits? ;)

Jon Ray

@colin - I didn't say I didn't eat ice cream (I'm eating Blue Bell as we speak), I just said that I'm oddly embarrassed when I purchase ice cream for myself. ;(

Mollena

I found I had similar issues when I stopped drankin'. I had wild cravings for all manner of different foods...most of 'em sweet. There are all sorts of reasons for this. I prefer to Occam's Razor the problem and attribute post-alcohol binging on sweets to The Prince of Darkness, Lucifer.

Gnat

My ex-boyfriend ate way more ice cream than me, he just had a sweet tooth. Don't be embarrassed to buy ice cream, it's not an emasculating thing to do.

Michelle

That's kind of cute, the girlfriend thing. I do the same thing sometimes when I buy ice cream except I say it's for my younger brother (who, also, does not exist).
Also, the hand washing thing. I don't wash my hands very often either, which is awful, but I do sometimes splash a few droplets of water on my hands so that if anyone asks I can say "look, feel my hands. they're kind of damp." Ha.