What’s your therapy?

I’m a product of therapy. From my freshman year in high school, up until my Junior year, I went to therapy at least once a week and most of the time it was twice a week. Therapy is what parents turn to when they don’t know what else to do. It’s a way to say, “We give up,” without really saying it, “Let’s turn him over to a professional.” Does therapy work? Sure. But, it can take years. I’ve always thought that therapy was a good way for parents to feel like they weren’t failures. If a therapist can’t do any better than the parents did, then they know it’s not their fault. But, of course, if the therapist helps in any way, shape or fashion, then they can take all the credit for taking their kid to a therapist in the first place.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I had terrific parents, who did a great job at raising me. The problem was that I was the most hellacious child anyone could ever get stuck with. It wasn’t that I was inappropriate in public, or too much of a drunk, or on drugs. It was just that I questioned the nature of everything. If you couldn’t explain something to me in a fashion that would please the Supreme Court, then your explanation, as to why I couldn’t do that something, fell on deaf ears. I did what I wanted, to the detriment of everything and everyone around me. I was selfish and in a way, I think I still am. I refuse to pick a career, I jump from project to project, hobby to hobby, profession to profession without thinking about anyone else, but myself. I’m in the process of discovering what it is I really love and damn anyone that tries to hinder that process! So, what does any of this have to do with therapy? Good question.

If you ask me, therapy is a really expensive way to talk to someone that will listen to you and give you a little perspective and an unbiased opinion of what is happening in your life, as they see it. Isn’t that what friends are for? Personally, I’ve gotten better advice from writing letters to strangers, at random, in the phone book. I did this for a year and got so much great advice that I couldn’t keep up the massive amount of correspondence any longer. Before you consider therapy, try writing all of your problems in a letter to five complete strangers at random in the phone book. Trust me, you’ll save a lot of money.

So, does therapy work? Absolutely! But, it only works if you want it to work. It’s one of those “help me, help you” situations. Therapy is more about you wanting to help yourself, than it is about you wanting a therapist to help you. It’s merely a way for you to trick yourself into thinking that you’re in good hands, thus you can completely open up and feel safe. The thing is, if you would just open up and feel safe with a trusted friend, colleague or random stranger, the results would probably be the same. You are the only one that can help yourself and the problems in your life. All you have to do is convince yourself that you are in control.

That’s the problem, though, isn’t it? We, as a society, are so bad at taking responsibility for our own actions. We go to therapists, churches, psychics, etc. so that we can have a crutch; someone else to throw our burdens onto. But, couldn’t we just as easily release the weight of our burdens into thin air? Aren’t all of the above, just a way for us to convince ourselves that it is possible for us to achieve great things? I don’t want to raise any theological debates (but, I’m certainly open to them), but don’t we rely on an awful lot of metaphors to convince us that things are going to get better? Is that a bad thing?

I don’t think it is. I respect and encourage members of any religion, denomination, mindset, or background. So, long as what they are doing is working for them. If you’re seeing results from therapy; then therapy was probably a good idea. If a weekly discipleship group makes you happy and you find comfort in the Lord, then why on earth would you stop going? For me, I feel like I can skip all the metaphors and get directly to the source. I love my life and even when it sucks, I know that it will instantly get better as soon as I turn towards some more positive light. I don’t need metaphors or psychobabble. When I feel down, I put on a funny movie, read a good book or have a long conversation with a friend that I love.

No matter what your therapy is, aren’t they all based on the same principle? Sometimes, it is nice to know that someone will listen to you without judging a word that you say. Getting good advice is an amazing thing. I’m not saying that getting advice is a bad thing. Far from! I would be no where if I hadn’t met some of the most fantastic and helpful people at exactly the right time and place. But, what I am asking is should we really be paying $150.00 an hour to talk to a complete stranger? Did 4 or 5 years of schooling really warrant that hourly rate?

What do you think is the best way to deal with problems? How do you handle stress in your life? Do you reach out to a therapist, a friend, a congregation? Like I said, there’s no wrong answer. If it works for you, then continue doing it. I’ve never had much luck with therapists, unless you consider learning I don’t need a therapist a breakthrough. But, what works for one person, may not work for another. Why do we have to chastise people who get their advice from different sources than our own? Are we not completely different people? Wouldn’t it make sense that some of us would feel more comfortable with advice from one source, while another might find great truth in some completely opposite form? At the core level, isn’t most advice a spin or twist on a few universal truths?

Why do we feel so obligated to make others think the way that we do? Why can’t we all just do what makes us happy? I’m going to ask my therapist about this when I visit her next week. ; )

What do you think?

Just trying out some new types of writing to those who read this far. Apparently, I’m a writer now, so that means I have to find a voice, supposedly. Feel free to tell me exactly how you felt about this style, story, content, etc. Hurt my feelings if you want, I just need the feedback or the people who pay me money will beat me with a bone whip. And if you're enjoying this blog, consider commenting or subscribing for free.

Tagged as: does it work, growing up, jon ray, religion, taking responsibility, therapy